The Reheat: The Longhorns and Steve Sarkisian nose-dive at Ohio State

Welcome to The Reheat, a weekly reaction to the previous day’s game, just popped out of the microwave. Look for it every Sunday, rain or shine.

—

Well, I’ve been spending all my money on weed n’ pills
Tryin’ to write a song that’ll pay the bills
But it ain’t came yet, so I guess I’ll have to rob a bank
~Sturgill Simpson, You Can Have The Crown

Yesterday was a reminder that even when you have nearly eight months to theorize about a game, which also happens to be the last opponent your team faced, we still have no idea how these games are going to play out. If you had told me last week Texas held the defending national champions to 14 points at home, I would have thought the Longhorns rolled.

Don’t get me wrong, I thought Texas losing to Ohio State (again) was certainly possible.

What I didn’t think was possible was Steve Sarkisian traveling to Columbus with an offensive game plan so conservative it would’ve had the Sisters of Chastity telling Sark to loosen up.

Where was the window dressing, Steven?

The motion, the intricacy, the creative play concepts designed to keep the Buckeyes and new DC Matt Patricia on their heels. The strategy played into Ryan Day with a young quarterback’s hands. Julian Sayin was only forced to make one or two throws all game.

But, was I the only one who felt like the first half was a labyrinth of repetitive horrors?

1st down: Arch Manning throws a greased fastball almost 100 MPH into the dirt. 2nd down: uninspired run which gains two. 3rd down: insert fart noise.

A complaint I’ve had about the entire Sark experience on offense is how willing it is to get to 3rd down in general. It’s been this way since Hudson Card and cinephile Casey Thompson were at the helm. And when the run game isn’t consistently moving on early downs, your young quarterback is nervous, and Texas is forced into constant 3rd and longs, it sputters quicker than a choir boy in his first dalliance.

I’ve been asked if I’m worried about Arch Manning several times now.

My answer is no, not at all. Because I trust Manning’s pedigree, the confidence he has from his teammates, and what he put on tape in 2024. Though it was ironic that at one point Arch had completed more passes to people in commercials than he had in Columbus.

But here’s where the cracks are widening in my doubt. If you take the timeframe from 2023 on (to be fair), from when Sarkisian’s program became a championship-level team, the results against equally talented teams are not good. The one win against Nick Saban and Alabama can’t continue to carry this program. Texas is just as talented as Georgia and Ohio State, arguably more this season. Sarkisian is 1-5 against Ryan Day, Kirby Smart, and Kalen DeBoer (at Washington). Besides Inside Texas, I’m staying offline and off podcasts this week. But I expect the comparisons to Penn State’s James Franklin (however unfair) will be plentiful.

It’s Year 5 and Sark has proved himself to be an excellent program builder, a fantastic ambassador for Texas, and a great amasser of staff IQ and program talent. However, where is the high-octane offense?

Sark and Arch Manning have a month of creampuffs before a big road test against Florida, and Red River will test their mettle again. But the questions and the doubts won’t be answered even by wins against those opponents. The doubt will linger until Sark shows improvement the next time he’s on the doorstep against Ohio State, Georgia, or the like. It’s at that moment he’ll have to show he’s able to break through—or get out of his own damn way.

Fire The Cannon for: This poor defense, man. Once again, Texas locked down WR Jeremiah Smith, and if it weren’t for two drive-extending penalties they would have held the Buckeyes to a touchdown. How about freshman nickel Graceson Littleton? He’s going to be a bona fide stud.

Horns Up on Offense for: I’m so annoyed I’m going to cheat and say the new Aussie punter, Jack Bouwmeester.

Horns Up on Defense for: LB Liona Lefau.

Bevo’s Bucket for: The red zone epidemic. Four failures inside the 20. I was a little worried going into this game, because I hated Sark’s response to the media last week, which gave year by year percentages as a sign of improvement in the “red area.”

That was a Tom Herman response from a coach who is almost always better than that. Don’t talk down to Joe Cook and Evan Vieth, Steve!

Inside the five is where Sarkisian’s stubbornness has become toxic to his team’s chances at winning high-leverage games. He needs a complete overhaul of his thinking in short-yardage situations. Instead of resorting to meathead football at its most primal, Sark needs to introduce more spread-out concepts that allow his superior athletes to operate in space. He talks about how much he admires Andy Reid—show it. Or just start taking the stupid three points. Though I’m no fan of playing football conservatively like it’s the NFC North in 1987, I’d rather not demoralize the team and just rely on the defense.

This piping Hot Take burned the roof of my mouth: Those jumping off the Arch train will look very stupid.

Hype Train Level: The Sturgill lyrics at the beginning highlight how myself and most Longhorn fans are feeling. You hype yourself up for months, spend so much emotional energy on something…only for THAT to be the result. Oh well, buy my book please, so you can invite your children to share in this. 

[Order THE LONGHORN ALPHABET: Get your little Longhorns ready for Texas Football this Fall!]

Schadenfreude of the Week: I can’t poke fun at others, even Alabama, when Texas fell on its privates as the number one team in the country. So I’ll tell the story of halftime yesterday. My wife and I watched the game at home with just our family because we decided to potty train our middle child this weekend. In retrospect, I should have realized that was a s*itty omen for the Longhorns. Anyways, after the dreadful first half I went to the liquor store down the street to grab some beer for myself and spirits for my wife. I walked in and the owner, seeing my hat, said, “This team sucks, don’t it?” I replied with an awkward chuckle. “You know, the only reason he’s starting is because he’s a Manning? I heard the backup is better than him. I bet the backup starts the second half.”

I gave a dumba** smile, paid, and left. When pulling into my neighborhood I saw my older next-door neighbor weed-whacking his yard in his Arch jersey.

“You did something more productive than me at halftime, I just got beer,” I told him.

“I had to do something other than watch that.” About an hour later he texted me: “I have an Arch Manning jersey if you want it.”

Oh, how I love this fanbase.